PARENTING PITFALLS

This month we are in a series called “Can you relate?” about relationships.  One of the most important relationships that we have in life is the role and relationship of being a parent to our children.  I want to take some time this month and look at some parenting pitfalls.
 
Before we jump in with our first topic, I want to make some observations.  Remember, there is nothing that you can do to ensure that your children turn out perfect.  Where they will always do the right thing.  Where they never make a mistake.  Whey they always honor God in every action.  Because… they have a free will.  They can make choices.  So they will give in to temptation.  They will fall.  A part of your role as a parent is to give them every chance not to.  You can attempt to avoid the pitfalls on your end that will lead them to pitfalls on their end.  That is what we are going to think about this month.  Parenting pitfalls—the mistakes WE make.
 
In the bible, one of the great patriarchs of Israel was Jacob.  Jacob met the women of his dreams and her name was Rachel.  Rachel’s father said that if he worked for him seven years, he could have his daughter for his wife.  So Jacob worked for Laban his future father-in-law for seven years.  Then Laban presented him with his daughter but it wasn’t Rachel.  It was Leah, the older daughter.  Not the one he wanted.  Jacob had been deceived.  But he was so in love with Rachel that he worked another seven years for her, and then finally was able to marry.
 
But it was the older daughter who was able to bear children, and boy did she.  One after another, but none for Rachel.  When Jacob was an old man, Rachel had a son named Joseph.  Then she conceived again, and had a boy named Benjamin.  Rachel died bringing him into the world.  So there were 12 sons from Jacob’s wives, but only two from the love of his life, Rachel.  The first of those son’s –Joseph was the son of his dreams.  The bible says “Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age…” Genesis 37:3   In verse 11 it says “His brothers were jealous of him (Joseph), but his father kept the matter in mind.”  As you watch the story of this family unfold you will see that Jacob was a passive parent.
 
Passivity is not often talked about, but it can be a serious pitfall for us.  A passive parent is someone who sees what needs to be addressed, attended to, and does not attend to it.  The conversation that needs to be had, the conflict that needs to be resolved, the behavior that needs to be addressed… The passive parent turns a blind eye.  Hoping and maybe even praying that it will go away.  But in truth, they are abdicating their role and responsibility.  They are not doing what they know they should do.  And the entire family falls apart because children need a leader.  A leader is not someone who is passive but active.
 
Jacob is textbook.  He saw the tension between his sons, the hatred, the conflict and did nothing.  We know from other passages in the Bible that his older son, Reuben, had slept with a women who was a servant in their home, and bore a child, and Jacob did nothing about that.  And the bible tells us exactly where it lead.  Discord in the family, rivalry, poor character, and in the end, attempted murder.  So how do you keep from being a passive parent?  What are the areas where passivity takes hold in our lives?
     We are going to look this month at the key areas where many parents struggle with passivity.  Areas like discipline, privacy, and friends.  As a parent, are you consistent in age appropriate discipline? Are you being to passive in the area of privacy?  Do you know the kids your children are hanging out with?  The question is, are you engaged in these areas in order for effective parenting to take place?  That is what we are going think about this month.
 
Let me encourage you to not be a passive but be active in your God-given role as a parent.  Remember, it is great to be liked and accepted by your kids, but it is more important to be their parent.  You don’t have to walk on eggshells when it comes to being a parent.  Passivity is often well-intentioned.  Or a blind spot. Or in the name of trust.  The question is how do you move from passive parent to being an engaged parent?  That is what we are going to look at over these weeks.  But for now, don’t be passive but actively take part in the awesome opportunity as parents and be a part of shaping your kids to be all that God has created and called them to be.  Wow!  What a privilege.
 
Pastor Scott